Today I want to share a concept with you that I call “bitter” vs. “better” and it revolves around a choice only you can make. And look, I know what it feels like to choose “bitter” because I did for a long time after my surgery. I was 24 years old and felt my entire life had been taken from me. I was playing professional football in the NFL; our team was good, and I had a bright future ahead of me. And I wanted to get married and have a family one day and doubted that anyone would ever want to marry a guy with two ostomy bags hanging on his sides. I truly wished that I had died.
But as my recovery progressed and I healed physically from the surgery my mindset began to shift from “bitter” to “better” when I stopped asking “Why Me?” and started asking “What Now?” You may not be ready to make that shift yet and if not, that is OK as everyone reaches that turning point in their own time. I encourage you to make small decisions each day that will move you in that direction. The sooner you get there, the happier you will be.
Take a moment to make a list (even if it’s in your mind) of all the things you are bitter about – then turn the page and think about where you can make a conscious decision to “choose better”. And remember, even though you choose “better” you will still have some ups and downs. Your recovery is not going to be a straight line. Hang in there!
Former NFL Kicker
Former NFL Kicker, Walter Payton Man of the Year, Grateful Ostomy Patient
You Always have a Choice
You always have a choice to choose Better over Bitter and you get to make that choice every day for the rest of your life! If you are feeling bitter, don’t beat yourself up, we all feel that way at times! Try to focus on small things you are grateful for, and you will slowly start moving towards choosing “better.”
Bitter or Better – Rolf Benirschke
Bitter or Better – Justin Mirigliani
Roadmap to Recovery
Take a few more steps today than you did yesterday.
Take a few more steps today than you did yesterday. Sit up in the chair longer and keep moving a little more each day! Nurse Melody shares her tip.
It’s important for you to support and protect your abdominal area as you recover. Watch this video to learn how to brace yourself if you have to cough or sneeze.
• The type of surgery you had may affect the foods you eat. Follow the advice of your surgeon, dietitian, and WOCN nurse regarding any dietary restrictions right after surgery. Ask if you will have any restrictions on a long-term basis. Learn more about food guidelines for your type of ostomy surgery here.
• In general, you will want to eat frequent small meals throughout the day instead of 2-3 larger meals.
• A “blockage” (also referred to as an obstruction) occurs when normal movement of food, fluid or gas is prevented from occurring within the bowel – think of a clogged drainpipe. It can cause discomfort or become serious enough to require medical attention.
There are two ways to minimize your risk of blockage:
Avoid foods that can cause blockages like raw fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and nuts. See a complete list here.
Potential Complications
Be vigilant so you can stay out of the hospital
These potential complications may be preventable if you recognize the warning signs early and take the appropriate action.
1. Dehydration. One out of three ileostomy patients will be readmitted to the hospital for dehydration within 30 days of their operation. Learn how to stay hydrated here.
Learn more about hydration from our dietitian, Danielle.
2. Skin problems. Peristomal skin is the skin surrounding your stoma and should look and feel just like the skin on the rest of your abdomen (not irritated or red). Learn more about how to care for your peristomal skin and catch any problems early so they can be addressed.
3. Hernia. This happens when an organ or other tissue pushes through your abdominal muscles and creates a bulge. Since having ostomy surgery increases your risk of developing a hernia, you will want to follow these guidelines:
• Limit your lifting to 5-10 lbs. for the first 4-6 weeks post-surgery (or as directed by your surgeon) and always use proper lifting technique.
• Support the area around your stoma if you sneeze, cough, or laugh by squeezing a folded blanket or pillow.
Learn more about hernias and how to protect yourself here.
Hear Nurse Melody talk about hernias and how to prevent them here.
4. Problem Solving. You may encounter problems like skin irritation, leaks, no output and others. Click here for more details.
5. Medical Emergencies. Review this list so you will know when to call your surgeon/nurse or go to the nearest emergency room.
Embracing Ostomy Life Goals
Goals for Today
• Continue to manage your pain. It’s easier to stay ahead of the pain than to try to catch up.
• Make sure you have the best fitting appliance for your ostomy. Hear Nurse Melody and Nurse Joy talk about the importance of trial and error in selecting the best appliance.
If you haven’t been an active participant in changing your pouch yet, now’s the time!
• Practice changing your pouch system with assistance from your WOCN.
I remember my first pouch change took nearly an hour and my mom and I both ended up in tears. Be patient with yourself and your caregiver. This will become as routine as brushing your teeth – trust me on this.
Rolf
(Ileostomy)
Ostomy Terms you Want to Know
Baseplate/Faceplate/Skin Barrier/Wafer
All of these are different names for the part of your ostomy appliance that adheres to your peristomal skin and becomes the attachment point for your pouch. There are many different types of baseplates including moldable, pre-cut and cut-to-fit.
• Maintain Hope. Regardless of all that has happened, when you look to the future, believe it will be bright.
• Practice Boundaries. Avoid those that bring negative perspectives or attitudes and maintain a level of kindness and positive perspective within yourself.
• Be kind to yourself. As you speak kindly to yourself and offer yourself compassion, you will notice that you build resilience, respond kindly to yourself more often, and encourage yourself when needed.
How helpful was today’s message for your recovery?
We offer our sincerest thanks to Joan Scott — a kind ostomate and brilliant writer — for allowing us to include excerpts of, her book, “The Ostomy Raft”, in Alive & Kicking. To purchase a copy filled with tons of practical tips for living with an ileostomy or colostomy, click the button below.
Rolf Benirschke is a former NFL Man of the Year and All-Pro placekicker who played 10 seasons in the NFL for the San Diego Chargers. His career was briefly interrupted when he was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease that required ileostomy surgery in his third season. Remarkably, Rolf returned to play seven more years with the Chargers, becoming the first ever professional athlete to play with an ostomy appliance. He has been an outspoken champion of the ostomy community for the past 40 years and created Embracing Ostomy Life™ to provide the hope, education and encouragement to ensure that no one goes through ostomy surgery alone.
Join Team HOPE
Do you wish you could connect with someone like you who has an ostomy and similar life goals? You can! Our Team HOPE (Helping Ostomates through Peer Encouragement) program can pair you with a volunteer who has an ostomy that will listen, empathize and suggest resources to help you along your journey.
