Most new ostomates struggle initially with their body image and wonder if they will be able to have intimate relationships. I have learned personally and from many other ostomates, if you are comfortable with yourself and accept your ostomy as much as a part of you as wearing glasses, then the chances are that your partner will too.
If you don’t have a partner and are dating someone new you might be wondering when the right time is to share that you have an ostomy. It is always best left up to you as each circumstance is different but telling your health story is a good place to start. Remember, most folks you meet may have never heard of an ostomy or know what an ostomy is. They will, likely, take their cues from you. If you present it as something you are comfortable with, that it saved your life or gave you back a pain-free life, chances are they will quickly become comfortable too. While there is no easy way to bring this important subject up, know that we all have done it and, in many cases, it has led to new levels of openness and intimacy.
I’m often asked about how having an ostomy affects the ability for a girl to get pregnant and carry a child and deliver. I’m not a doctor, but I can tell you that there are thousands of amazing mothers out there with an ostomy, many of whom were so grateful for the surgery that allowed them to feel healthy again and move on to having a family. Talk to your doctor if you are considering getting pregnant to make sure you have all the information you need for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby…but know that you can still have wonderful relationships and build a family with your ostomy!
Former NFL Kicker
Former NFL Kicker, Walter Payton Man of the Year, Grateful Ostomy Patient
Story of the Day
Dr. Rachel Gulley
Hear Rachel share her ostomy life including the best post ostomy gift she ever received – the birth of her baby boy!
Potential Complications
Be vigilant so you can stay out of the hospital
These potential complications may be preventable if you recognize the warning signs early and take the appropriate action.
1. Dehydration. One out of three ileostomy patients will be readmitted to the hospital for dehydration within 30 days of their operation. Learn how to stay hydrated here.
Learn more about hydration from our dietitian, Danielle.
2. Skin problems. Peristomal skin is the skin surrounding your stoma and should look and feel just like the skin on the rest of your abdomen (not irritated or red). Learn more about how to care for your peristomal skin and catch any problems early so they can be addressed.
3. Hernia. This happens when an organ or other tissue pushes through your abdominal muscles and creates a bulge. Since having ostomy surgery increases your risk of developing a hernia, you will want to follow these guidelines:
• Limit your lifting to 5-10 lbs. for the first 4-6 weeks post-surgery (or as directed by your surgeon) and always use proper lifting technique.
• Support the area around your stoma if you sneeze, cough, or laugh by squeezing a folded blanket or pillow.
Learn more about hernias and how to protect yourself here.
Hear Nurse Melody talk about hernias and how to prevent them here.
4. Problem Solving. You may encounter problems like skin irritation, leaks, no output and others. Click here for more details.
5. Medical Emergencies.Review this list so you will know when to call your surgeon/nurse or go to the nearest emergency room.
Ostomy Life
Intimacy
It is completely natural to have questions about how living with an ostomy will impact your sex life and feelings of intimacy. You will be physically recovering from a major surgery, learning new skills like emptying and changing your pouch, plus you will be dealing with changes to your body image. Anxiety regarding feeling attractive or how your partner may respond is completely normal. Your partner may also be worried about hurting you.
WOC nurse and ostomate Melody Cooley talks about how her husband views her and their intimate relationship. → Watch the video.
WOC nurse Angie Gilbert talks about the number one question she gets from her ostomy patients, “Can I return to a normal sex life?” → Watch the video.
Getting to know your ostomy – What could go wrong?
Physical therapist, Heather Marra talks about how to communicate with your partner and shares practical tips for intimate times. → Watch the video.
• Be patient with yourself and allow time for healing physically and emotionally after surgery. A gradual approach may help you both feel more confident. There are many ways of expressing intimacy like holding hands, hugging, and cuddling.
• Trust and communication with your loved one is vital to re-establishing your sexual relationship. When you feel ready, begin discussing feelings or fears with your partner about intimacy.
• More tips on how to talk about sex and intimacy here.
Embracing Ostomy Life Goals
Goals for Today
• Have a conversation with your doctor about how the surgery may impact your sexual function and when you can resume sexual activity.
• Download this resource from the UOAA on intimacy after ostomy surgery to answer all your questions.
How helpful was today’s message for your recovery?
We offer our sincerest thanks to Joan Scott — a kind ostomate and brilliant writer — for allowing us to include excerpts of, her book, “The Ostomy Raft”, in Alive & Kicking. To purchase a copy filled with tons of practical tips for living with an ileostomy or colostomy, click the button below.
Rolf Benirschke is a former NFL Man of the Year and All-Pro placekicker who played 10 seasons in the NFL for the San Diego Chargers. His career was briefly interrupted when he was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease that required ileostomy surgery in his third season. Remarkably, Rolf returned to play seven more years with the Chargers, becoming the first ever professional athlete to play with an ostomy appliance. He has been an outspoken champion of the ostomy community for the past 40 years and created Embracing Ostomy Life™ to provide the hope, education and encouragement to ensure that no one goes through ostomy surgery alone.
Join Team HOPE
Do you wish you could connect with someone like you who has an ostomy and similar life goals? You can! Our Team HOPE (Helping Ostomates through Peer Encouragement) program can pair you with a volunteer who has an ostomy that will listen, empathize and suggest resources to help you along your journey.
